The Weight of Our Words: Why Leadership Communication is a Heavy Lift

In the hush that follows a tough meeting or scrolling through emails late at night, I sometimes reflect on conversations that have occurred during my day. In those moments, I think about how raw and powerful words can be. Words are vessels for information and language is how we go about our day as leaders. It unlocks doors and barriers for our teams. It can clarify or complicate. Most importantly, it can create safety or utter fear.

Here’ s the thing.

I know my stuff isn’t always dialed in when it comes to my words as a leader. I’ve raised my voice and said things that truly hurt someone. I’ve watched other leaders poison the morale of an entire high-functioning team with their words in one fell swoop. I’ve had words land on someone like a kick to the gut; more times than I care to admit and every.single.time I’ve been hard on myself. They were also serious lessons that stayed with me on my leadership journey.

Trust me, I’ve been there.

How Intention vs. Impact F**** You When You Don’t Learn

When I said things that weren’t kind or thoughtful, I learned some of the most challenging lessons in my management career:

Your intentions and thoughts behind why you responded the way you did don’t matter. (Grab your popcorn, this is good.)

I’ve had to learn that it doesn’t matter how I intended to phrase something or how I justified the emotion I felt when I responded. What matters is how it landed and how it was received. If it didn’t land well, then I did something wrong.

What sets great leaders apart is that they don’t expect to be perfect. I don’t say the same thing twice. I reflect hard. I invest in quality coaching. I surround myself with trusted peers who aren’t afraid to give me honest feedback when I need it. I grow because I treat how I communicate as a skill that needs honing.

Swing and a Miss: The Casual put-down

Leaders talking off-the-cuff is scary enough on its own, but when it comes to rude jokes at the expense of others it can completely kill a team culture that you’ve worked so hard to cultivate.

I could write a book on examples of leaders saying things that completely decimated morale, but here are a few that really stuck with me:

She lied about her injury!” A leader laughed after an employee tearfully explained a legitimate health concern. Sharing personal health information can be difficult and embarrassing. Making an employee feel like their health and well-being can be questioned or mocked by their leader (and peers) is a gross violation of trust. This also sets the example that the company only cares about how much work you put in… not your well-being.

“He’s really lucky someone like you is managing his project.” A leader interrupts a project manager during a staff meeting. Not only did this leader insult the project manager but he completely undermined his expertise and authority in front of the team.

“Yo, I’m sure [Name] has bandwidth, they’ve been asleep at their desk all day.” Ouch. Not only does this put down the employee, but it encourages everyone else to prove they are worthy by overextending themselves instead of doing good work.

I know these comments are obviously on two different levels, but whenever leaders make jokes like these or use language that diminishes, mistakes, or demeans team members, it sows the seed for gossip and unraveling morale. When leaders communicate that one person on the team isn’t respected, what does that say about the rest of the team?

Communicate with Care

Your words have power. They set the tone for your organization. When we use words intentionally, we create environments where teams can thrive. When we use words without thinking about how they’ll land, we are only creating barriers for ourselves.

Leaders have to realize that they are held to a different standard. Our words matter more because our teams will look to us to lead by example.

If you catch yourself using words as ammunition or ease your way out of a tough situation, stop. Step back. Reflect. If you said something that hurt someone, own it. Own it entirely and unapologetically. Don’t make excuses. Our teams are counting on us to hold ourselves accountable and do better. They deserve leaders who will take the time to get it right.

How are you holding yourself accountable for your words as a leader? Let’ s keep the conversation going- what’s one thing you do to make sure your words land how you intended?